Podcast

Episode 100 • Revenge

100

Hold a grudge

(Someone) had it coming

Tit for tat

Vindictive

Revenge is a dish best served cold

Story

Jeff: Hey Max, where’s my pen? Have you seen it? It was just here.
Max: What’s wrong, Jeff? You can’t find your lovely little pen? Here’s what happened to it.
Jeff: Why- Why is it broken? What happened?!
Max: I broke it!
Jeff: You did what? Why? That pen’s really expensive, you know?!
Max: You think I don’t know that?! I had the same exact pen two years ago and you broke it! I had to get a new one! I’m usually not one to hold a grudge but this time… it’s different. Sorry, but you had it coming, dude.
Jeff: I had it- I had it coming?! What are you talking about? Wait, so you broke it on purpose? When I broke yours, it was an accident!
Max: Tit for tat, man.
Jeff: What are we in second grade? I didn’t know you could be so vindictive, Max! Plus, like you said, the accident with your pen happened over two years ago! And I apologized plenty of times!
Max: Well, you know what they say ‘Revenge is a dish best served cold‘.
Jeff: I still can’t be- Hold on, wait! It’s here. My pen’s here! It was under my notebook this whole time, that’s why I couldn’t see it. Wait a second, if you didn’t break my pen, then whose pen did you break? Uh, Max, I’m sorry to have to tell you this but… I think you just broke your new pen…

Questions

In this case, vengeance was not a good idea.

Hold a grudge

'I'm usually not one to hold a grudge but this time...'

• If you’re holding a grudge, have you forgiven someone for what they did or not?

No. If you're holding a grudge, that means that someone has done something bad to you. They hurt you and you haven't forgiven them for it.

• And if you’re holding a grudge, how do you feel about the person who hurt you?

If you're holding a grudge, that means that you're probably feeling angry, still sad, still hurt. You can still be friendly with the person and still hold a grudge. You can still talk, but deep down, there's a little part of your brain that's constantly reminding you, this person did this to you and they hurt you. That's what holding a grudge feels like. It's like this little voice in your head constantly reminding you that this person has hurt you.

• Are you usually one to hold a grudge?

I'm afraid I do tend to hold a grudge if someone hurts me, then it's really hard for me to just forget it and move on. Unless I know that it was a mistake or that that person is truly feeling sorry for what they've done. If I know that they apologized but their apology is not genuine, then I will hold a grudge against you.

(Someone) had it coming

'Sorry, but you had it coming, dude.'

• Who had it coming? Someone who hurt some else or someone who’s been hurt?

The person who had it coming is the person who hurt someone else. The bad guy, so to say.

• If you had it coming, what should you expect from the person you hurt? Forgiveness or revenge?

If you had it coming, that means that you were expecting revenge.

• If you say that someone had it coming, are you implying they deserved what they got or not?

Absolutely, yes. When you say, "That person had it coming," there's this idea that that person deserved what they got. When you say, "Oh, he had it coming." You're not saying it as in, "Oh, poor him. I feel so bad for him." No, you're going to be like, "You know what? I don't care because he deserved it and he should have expected that to happen to him."

Tit for tat

'Tit for tat, man.'

• What does 'tit for tat' refer to? Something bad that you’ve done to someone or something nice that you’ve done for someone?

The expression tit for tat refers to something bad that you have done to someone.

• When you say tit for tat, why did you do something bad to someone?

If you say tit for tat, that means you've done something bad to someone out of revenge. "They did something bad to me, I'm going to do something bad to them. They hurt me. I'm going to hurt them." This is the idea behind the expression 'tit for tat'. It's kind of a childish thing to think. Obviously as mature adults, we should be able to forgive. Sometimes it's hard and you want to hurt the person who hurt you. You're going to think, "You know what? Tit for tat. You did this to me, I'm going to do this to you."

• Have you ever thought or said ‘tit for that’? When?

Actually, I don't think I have. I don't like the idea of deliberately hurting someone, of hurting someone on purpose, that's what I'm saying. The whole idea behind tit for tat is, "I'm going to hurt you on purpose because you hurt me." I don't think, I can't really think of a time when I did that or thought that. Actually, I'm going to take that back. I think I did think that at some point because it's more of an instinct , you know, kind of like, "Oh really? You did that to me? Well, I'm going to do that to you," but I don't think I ever followed through. I don't think I ever actually did that because I think I would feel guilty immediately. I wouldn't be able to hurt someone just to hurt them.

Vindictive

'I didn't know you could be so vindictive, Max!'

• If you are vindictive, do you want revenge or not?

Yes. Someone who is vindictive is someone who usually holds grudges, who wants revenge, who wants to hurt the person who hurt them, that will sometimes take time to plot their revenge, so yes, a vindictive person is someone who wants revenge.

• Would you say you’re vindictive?

I'm not really vindictive. I don't think so. Like I said, I do hold grudges. If you hurt me, chances are, we're never going to be friends again. I'm not going to reach out to you. I'm not going to be very happy when we have to talk, but I wouldn't want to hurt you on purpose. It's a very different thing. It's more like, "I don't want to have anything to do with you," not, "I want to see you suffer."

Revenge is a dish best served cold

'Well, you know what they say 'Revenge is a dish best served cold''

• What does the expression ‘Revenge is a dish best served cold’ mean? That revenge is more satifsying if you get it right away or after some time has passed?

The expression "revenge is a dish best served cold" means that revenge is more satisfying if you let some time pass before you get your revenge.

• Do you think that revenge is dish best served cold?

I guess I understand why people say that. I guess maybe if you have more time, you have more time to plot your revenge, to plan what you're going to do. Also, the other person's going to feel scared. You have that punishment as well. If you want my opinion, what I think is that planning a revenge is simply a waste of time because I don't know, I think it's a lot better to invest the time that we have trying to make ourselves better people as opposed to trying to make their life worse. I understand why people say that. Probably if you are a vindictive person, it's true, that revenge is a dish best served cold, but me, not being particularly vindictive, I'm just like, "You know what? Just don't even bother. Revenge is "a dish that shouldn't be served at all".

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Dmitrii Sitnikov
3 months ago

Hi Lara! Oh, glad to hear that, my congratulations! 😊 🥳🥳🥳 The 100th episode is a great milestone. Great job! 💪Thank you for the great and super useful content and lessons. I will wait for summer news. 😄