Episode 108 • Pride
Swallow your pride
Be the bigger person
Take the high road
Sweep something under the rug
Harper: Come on, you’re coming in.
Madison: No way, I said I would drive you but there’s no way I’m going in with you!
Harper: Is it because of what happened between you and Rose? What happened anyway? You never told me.
Madison: Forget it, I get mad just talking about it…
Harper: Listen, I don’t know what happened between you too, but Rose is-
Madison: Oh please… Spare me your ‘Rose is a really good friend’ speech because she is not, I’m telling you!
Harper: Okay, well… I’m sure she didn’t mean to hurt you! Also… you can’t avoid her forever. You guys go to the same school. You’re going to have to swallow your pride and move on with your life.
Madison: Uh, uh. No way, I’m sorry. What she did was just unforgivable.
Harper: Alright, again, I know you say she’s hurt you but even if she did, you need to be the bigger person here. Show up, go to the party and be nice to her. Take the high road, you know?
Madison: And pretend like nothing happened? You know I’m not the kind of person that likes to sweep things under the rug. Plus, what if she does it again?
Harper: What? If she does what? What is it that she did that hurt you so bad?!
Madison: Alright, fine. You want to know? Here, look.
Harper: What? Her profile?
Harper: I don’t understand. It’s a photo of her, Megan and you.
Madison: Look at the caption.
Harper: Hashtag besties. Okay, and…?
Madison: And she didn’t tag me! What? You don’t think it’s serious, do you?
Harper: I mean…
Man, this is some serious teenage drama.
'Spare me your ‘Rose is a really good friend’ speech because she is not…'
• If you use the expression ‘spare me’, what are you telling the other person? That they should continue talking or not?
No. When you tell someone, "Oh, spare me this comment" or "Spare me--" or even just "spare me," that means, "Stop talking. I don't want to hear what you're about to say."
• And why would you want them to stop talking?
I think the expression "spare me," it's something that you often use when someone's been making a point already or they've made that point in the past, so you already know what they're about to say, but that also annoys you. Usually, you would tell them like, "Spare me the speech" or "Spare me what you're going to say," or like I said, "Spare me this comment because it's just going to frustrate me. I know what you're about to say. I don't want to hear it. Just shut up." [chuckles]
• When do you usually use the expression ‘spare me’? When you’re annoyed or excited?
Again, you use the expression "spare me" when you are annoyed. Maybe not in that moment, but you know that if the other person says something, then you are going to get annoyed.
• When was the last time you could have used or the last time you did use this expression?
I think it was maybe a couple of months ago when I was here in Spain and I just needed some change in my life. I decided I wanted to go work at a coworking space for a while. I wanted to book the place for a whole month, which in hindsight, just knowing me, it wasn't a good idea because I change my mind all the time. I told my boyfriend and my boyfriend, he knows me really well by this point, we've been together for a while and he told me-- He was about to say something like, "Do you think really-- Is that a good idea? Are you really going to go every day for a month?" Before he could even say anything, I told him, "You know what? Spare me your comments. I know what you're thinking. I don't want to hear it. I want to do this." It turns out I went two days out of the month. You know what? I did what I wanted to do and that's fine by me.
Swallow your pride
'You’re going to have to swallow your pride and move on with your life.'
• When do you have to swallow your pride, when you have to do something you want to do or not?
You have to swallow your pride when you have to do something that you do not want to do, something that goes against what you would do in that situation.
• Why do you have to swallow your pride from time to time?
Well, pride is a weird thing. Obviously, it's good to be proud of yourself. At the same time, when pride gets in the way of your relationships, it makes it hard for you to say, "I'm sorry." If you've made a mistake, then that's not such a great thing. Every now and then, even when you know you're right or you did something right and the other person did something wrong, if you want to keep the relationship going, if you don't want to make a bigger deal out of that situation, it's important to swallow your pride. Now, obviously, swallow means like when you let something pass through your throat, when a-- food or something goes in your mouth and to your stomach through your throat. Swallowing your pride, really, it's a very cool image because you get this idea of like [swallowing sound]. It was just like, "Oh, it's right there. I got my pride in my mouth. I want to say something, but I'm going to swallow it. I'm not going to say anything because I want to be nice and I don't want to have a fight."
• When was the last time you had to swallow your pride?
Let me just say that it's really hard for me to swallow my pride. I'm sure in some conversations with either my mom or my sisters, sometimes if I don't quite agree with them, I'll sometimes just swallow my pride and be like, "You know what? I don't want to get into this. Forget it." Swallowing my pride is not something that I can do very easily.
Be the bigger person
'... you need to be the bigger person here.'
• If you are the bigger person in a situation, does that mean you act more or less mature than the other person?
If you are the bigger person in a certain situation, that means that you're acting more mature than the other person.
• What is the benefit of being the bigger person?
Well, in a situation, if two people are, for example, in a fight and one of them is being very petty, just mean and not behaving in a good way, you can decide to be the bigger person and decide to act in a mature way. It's going to help you resolve the conflict. It's always a good idea to-- if the other person cannot be mature, at least, you have to try to be the bigger person. Sometimes it's really hard because if someone does something mean to you, you want to do something to get back at them. You want to do something that will hurt them back and it doesn't matter how low you have to go to hurt them. That's not going to help the situation. It's going to hurt someone else. It's not going to help you either because you're going to feel bad about what you did, so you might as well be the bigger person.
• Is it easy for you to be the bigger person during an argument?
I think during an argument is when it's really your chance to be the bigger person because it's very easy when you're talking to someone, you're angry to say something really mean that maybe you don't fully mean. You say something mean, I say something mean back to you. Yes, it's really important in arguments to try and be the bigger person. I think I've gotten better at it. I used to be on the same maturity level as the other person, but I've learned that I just-- Especially during arguments, it's so much better if you act like the bigger person because you're going to come out of it winning no matter what. It's always nicer to be the more mature person.
Take the high road
'Take the high road, you know?'
• If you take the high road, do you act morally or not?
If you take the high road, yes, you act morally. You act in a good way in line with your principles.
• When do you take the high road, when other people are acting morally or not?
Taking the high road implies that there are two types of roads. One where people do not act morally and one where people do and that is the high road. You look at everyone from a higher position, so to say. Really, when you say, "Take the high road," you say that you are choosing the path of good behavior as opposed to what someone else is doing. You really use it to compare your behavior to someone else's behavior that is not very good at that moment.
• Do you believe it’s always good to take the high road?
Yes, absolutely. Just like it's important to be the bigger person in a situation, it's always important to take the high road. It doesn't matter how people around us are behaving. That shouldn't be affecting us. I'll give you an example. Say that I am competing against someone and this person is cheating. Well, obviously, I want to win too and I could do the same thing they're doing, but I think it's important for me to choose to take the high road, do things the right way, do things in the morally correct way because, you know what? Even if they win and I don't win, I'm still going to feel good about myself. At the end of the day, this is what's really important. It's not about what we achieve but how we achieve it. Okay, this is getting really deep. [chuckles] It's like a self-help podcast right now. No, but it's important to stick to your principles and do the thing that is right. Any time you get a chance, always take the high road.
Sweep something under the rug
'You know I’m not the kind of person that likes to sweep things under the rug.'
• If you sweep something, such as a problem, under the rug, does that mean you address it or not?
No. If you sweep something under the rug, that means that you do not address that problem right away.
• If you sweep something under the rug, will it likely be forgotten forever?
Well, no. Unfortunately, that's the thing about sweeping something under the rug. You know what happens when you sweep, I don't know, dust under the rug? What happens? It's still there. We know it's still there. We may not be able to see it, but we know it's still there and it's going to come out sooner or later. As soon as you lift the rug, all the dust is going to fly up into the air. If you sweep a problem under the rug, eventually, it's going to come out again.
• Is it a good idea to sweep something under the rug?
No, I do not believe in sweeping things under the rug. I know that a lot of people do it because-- Hey, listen. I used to do it. I grew up in a family where everybody swept everything under the rug. Every little thing that we'd not talk to each other that we're just like, "All right, fine. Yes. You know what? I'm going to remember this for later. I'm not going to say anything about it right away, but I'm going to remember this and it's going to come out at some point. I'm going to be angry about it." I think I've learned through time that it's so much better if you have a problem with someone, just tell them. Tell them right away. As bad as things can get if you get into a fight or even if you do not talk for a little while, whatever, but it's so much better to have things out there as opposed to sweeping things under the rug where there's still tension between the two of you. You know that sooner or later, you're going to have to have that conversation. Trust me. I know for a fact, not a good idea to sweep things under the rug.
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