Episode 116 • Fate
Make peace with something
So be it
Be meant to be
Esther: Hello everyone, thank you for coming to our Peaceful summer retreat, my name is Esther and I’ll be your meditation guide today. Now that you’re sitting comfortably, I want you to take a deep breath and leave all of your problems behind. Be present. Focus on your breath. Feel the warmth of the candles that are all around us. Can you feel their warmth?
Esther: Me too. Now there is absolutely nothing to worry about. Just breathe.
Russell: What’s this smell?
Esther: Shhh. I said breathe.
Russell: Oh, uhm, Esther. I think there’s a-
Esther: Remember. Problems are an illusion. There is no such thing as problems. What we consider problems are simply events.. Fate is what determines what happens and remember, fate is neither good nor bad.
Russell: Oh my gosh, I really think-
Esther: The universe always knows what’s best for us. And whatever comes our way, we should just embrace it.
Russell : Esther, I’m sorry, your-
Esther: So make peace with whatever problem you think you’re experiencing in your life…Stop seeing it as a problem. Your boss doesn’t treat you well, your neighbors are annoying? So be it!
Russell: Esther, again, I’m so sorry but-
Esther: [Sighs] What’s your name?
Russell: Uhm, Russel. Esther-
Esther: Russel, shh, shh, shh. Stop worrying. What are you worried about?
Russell: Well, right now about-
Esther: Shh, don’t even tell me. I know, I can see it in you… It’s your job, isn’t it?. You lost your job recently. But trust me, the Universe never makes mistakes. Everything that’s happening to you right now was meant to be so…
Russell: You don’t understand. Your-
Esther: I do understand. I was once like you. I would stress over the smallest things. Today I’m here to tell you you don’t need to worry anymore. Even if something horrible is happening… We can’t control it anyway…
Russell : Okay, well. Your hair’s on fire, but yeah, you know what, like you said, it was probably meant to happen anyway so…
Esther: What? Oh my God!
All right. I would like to dedicate this episode to my boyfriend because he's always like, "Don't worry. Don't worry." See, sometimes you need to worry.
' Fate is what determines what happens and remember, fate is neither good nor bad...'
• What is fate? A type of power believed to control people’s lives or a god?
Fate is a type of power that is believed to control people's lives. Meaning, if you believe in fate, you believe that everything is predetermined, that things happen because that's what that they are supposed to happen, basically.
• Do you believe in fate?
That is a big question. There's the rational side of me, I think, that doesn't believe in fate. I believe that you can choose your own path and that nothing really is predetermined. You can choose what you're going to do and what your life is going to be. Now, there's also irrational Laura that likes to believe in fate. Meaning, I don't know. I think it makes me feel good to think that maybe not everything is up to me and just pass on this responsibility to something else like fate. I think if something bad happens, I can always say, "Hey, you know, it was fate." Meaning, I couldn't control it. It's not my fault. It's something that I sometimes tell myself. A part of me wants to believe in fate but the rational side of me doesn't believe in fate.
' And whatever comes our way, we should just embrace it.'
• If you embrace a situation, do you do whatever is in your power to stop it or control it or do you accept it?
If you embrace a change or a situation or something that's happening, that means that you are accepting it. You're not doing anything to stop it. You're not doing anything to control it. You're simply like, "All right, fine. Let's go. Bring it on."
• And if you embrace a situation or an idea, do you accept it eagerly or reluctantly?
The thing about embracing a situation is that it implies that not only are you doing it, not only are you accepting it, but you're also doing it eagerly, with enthusiasm. You're not just like, "Fine, okay, whatever. Let's do it." You're just like, "Yes. Okay. This is what's supposed to be. Let's go. I'm going to be as happy as I can about this."
• Is it easy for you to embrace changes?
I think I'm a pretty flexible person just because I've been traveling a lot and moving a lot. I've come to be pretty flexible. I think it's fairly easy for me to embrace changes. Whenever something changes, something big changes in my life, whether it's a new job or a new country, or a new whatever, really anything, I think I'm pretty good at embracing those changes and just being really positive about them. If I'm not the one deciding to make the change, that is a little bit different. In that case, it's not so easy for me to embrace changes.
Make peace with something
'So make peace with whatever problem you think you’re experiencing in your life.'
• If you make peace with something, do you learn to accept it or do you get upset just thinking about it?
If you make peace with a problem or something, a situation that you're struggling with, that means that you finally learned to accept it. You're no longer upset when you think about it.
• Is there a problem you used to face that you have now made peace with?
I think the biggest thing is probably me being an introvert. It's something that I think I've known for a while now but for the longest time ever, it was really hard for me to accept the fact that I was an introvert. I don't like big groups. I don't like social events where you have a lot of chaos, a lot of noise, a lot of people. I don't like small talk. I think I have YouTube to thank for this because I watched a lot of videos that made me realize that I wasn't super weird. I had this kind of personality and that's it. I think, over the last few years, I have started to make peace with this side of my personality. I'm not going to lie, it's not always the easiest thing, especially when I go to a social event and I don't feel super comfortable. I still struggle to this day, but I am definitely learning to make peace with this side of me.
So be it
'Your boss doesn’t treat you well, your neighbors are annoying? So be it!'
• If you say "so be it", does that mean you accept a situation or not?
Once again, yes, if you say, "So be it," that means that you are fully accepting a situation.
• And why do you accept it, because you cannot control it or because you don’t want to control it?
This is really interesting. The expression, "So be it," is usually used when you are done trying to control a situation. Usually, you say it because you're frustrated because you haven't seen any changes. For example, I don't know, you have a friend that's been smoking for the longest time and for the longest time, you've been trying to get them to quit. You might get to a point where you're so frustrated that you don't want to try and help this friend anymore. You don't want to try to control this situation anymore. What you're going to say is alright, "You know what? He wants to keep smoking, so be it." Meaning, "That's it. I don't want to try and help him anymore. I'm going to just let things be. They can continue to do whatever they want to do even if it hurts them." That's the idea behind so be it.
• Was there ever a time when you wished you could’ve changed something but instead just thought so be it?
I think the best example of this would be what happened between me and my sister Paola. We've had a pretty rough relationship for years now. I remember, we would always fight and then we would make up. I really don't have anything against her but she'll get mad for the smallest things and I just don't deal well with those types of people where you always have to watch your words or you have to watch what you do. I just don't feel comfortable around those people. A few years back, I think it was probably two years ago, she did something on purpose that really hurt me. Up until that point, I was always trying to make sure that even if we didn't have the best relationship, at least, we could still have a relationship. I remember, two years ago just thinking, "You know what, she doesn't want to be nice to me, then so be it. I'm not going to try to get her to be nicer to me. She doesn't want to, whatever." I just didn't want that stress in my life anymore. That's probably the last time I thought, "You know what, if you want to do that, so be it. I'm not going to try to fix this situation anymore."
Be meant to be
'Everything that’s happening to you right now was meant to be so...'
• If you say something is meant to be, does that mean you believe it will happen or not?
Yes, you believe that something will happen. If you say, "Oh, it is meant to be," it means it's destined to happen. If you say, "It was meant to be," that means you thought it was destined to happen. You can say that something is meant to be.
• If you say that something is meant to be, who do you think controls what will happen?
If you say that something is meant to be, you are implying that that's because fate or the universe or whatever force you believe in controls that event. When something happens and it can be either something good or something bad. Whenever something happens and you feel like destiny played a role, you can say, "Oh, it was meant to be."
• Do you ever tell yourself “maybe it was meant to be”?
I'm going to repeat what I said at the beginning of the episode. I said that I don't believe in fate, but I do use this expression pretty often. I often say, "It was meant to be," or the opposite. "It wasn't meant to be." I think that makes me feel a little bit better when something doesn't turn out the way I thought it would. Just saying maybe it was a meant to be, makes me feel maybe the universe has bigger plans for me and maybe I was going in the wrong direction and fate or destiny wants to point me in the right direction. I'll give you an example. Not too long ago, my boyfriend and I were planning our trip. At the beginning, we thought we were going to travel through France. We were planning on spending probably three months in France and then we simply cannot find an apartment that would work for us. We looked and every time that we sent a request, we would get rejected. I could do two things, either I could get really frustrated and I could make it a goal of mine to just absolutely find a place for us to stay in France or, which is what I did, I simply said "You know what? Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe we weren't meant to spend three months in France" and so we changed our itinerary and we're going to be doing something a little bit different. Again, do I really think it wasn't meant to be? Maybe not, but it makes you feel good because at least you think "Hey, I'm not the one making this decision".
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