Episode 123 • Lying
Make up an excuse
White lie
My lips are sealed
Lie to someone's face
Big, fat liar
Story
Ben: Hey, dude. I’m so glad I ran into you! I’m going to a club opening tonight. Want to join us?
Jackson: Well, I’d sort of made plans to meet with Kara… I was actually on my way to pick her up but… I guess I can always make up an excuse and go with you guys.
Ben: Wait, you’re going to lie to her?
Jackson: Oh, come on. It’s just a white lie. She’s not going to care even if she finds out, which she won’t. I’m just going to call her and tell her. Okay?
[Phone ringing]
Kara: Hey, babe.
Jackson: Hey, boo.
Kara: What’s up?
Jackson: So, uuhm.. It’s just… I’m not- I’m not feeling too good, I think I’d rather stay home tonight. Is that okay?
Kara: Oh. Uhm. Okay. Yeah, of course.
Jackson: Are you going to be fine?
Kara: Yeah, yeah. I’m- I guess I’ll just stay home, watch a movie, hopefully go to bed early.
Jackson: Okay, boo. Well, I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?
Kara: Alright, bye.
[Phone clicks]
Jackson: Alright, I’m in. Now, make sure you don’t tell anybody about this.
Ben: My lips are sealed, man. Alright. The club’s right over there. Ready? Wait. Is that- Isn’t that your girlfriend? The one in line?
Jackson: Kara? What the- What the heck are you doing here?
Kara: What am I doing here? What are you doing here?
Jackson: No, don’t change the subject. I thought you were going to stay home and watch a movie! I can’t believe you would lie to my face like that!
Kara: Me, what about you? You said you were sick! You’re just a big fat liar!
Jackson: Well, look who’s talking…
Questions
Make up an excuse
'I guess I can always make up an excuse...'
• If you make up an excuse, do you invent an excuse or do you use a real one?
If you make up an excuse, that means that you invent an excuse. You use an excuse that's not real. You're basically telling a lie.
• Why would you need to make up an excuse?
Well, if you want to get out of an uncomfortable situation, you don't wanna do something, but you don't wanna hurt maybe the other person's feelings, you could make up an excuse in order not to sound too-- Oh, I would say, rude. You want to leave a party or you-- it's mostly like you wanna get out of, like I said, a situation and you don't wanna tell the other person why, so you would just come up with something else, you would make up an excuse.
• Have you ever had to make up an excuse to get out of a situation?
I have multiple times because I'm not a very social person, I think by this point. Also, I don't like to hurt other people's feelings. I remember this one time I had been invited by this guy to a show in Valencia and some of his friends were going to be there and it was just going to be a-- it was someone's gig. It was a show. This musician was playing. I went with the best intentions, thinking I was going to have a great time. Then I got there was a little bit of chit chat and there was a show. Even right at the beginning, it was so uncomfortable. I felt so awkward. I think it really depends on the people that are around me. There's just some people that I vibe better with and others with whom I don't. After the show, I thought, "Okay, this is it. We can all go home," but no, they were planning on hanging out even after the show. I was just like, "Oh my gosh, I cannot stand another hour in this situation." If I remember correctly, I think I told them that I had to meet someone else which they probably figured out it was an excuse, but yes, I did make up an excuse to get out of that place. I felt really bad, but I knew that I couldn't handle another five minutes there.
White lie
'Oh, come on. It’s just a white lie.'
• Is a white lie a lie that has big consequences or small consequences?
A white lie is a small lie that generally doesn't have big consequences. If it does have any consequences at all, they're usually pretty small.
• Are white lies usually told to protect someone’s feelings or to hurt someone’s feelings?
White lies, and I think the term "white lie" comes from the fact that they're innocent, and white is the color that we associate with this idea of innocence, are told to protect someone's feelings. Somebody asks you if what they're wearing looks good on them, it looks terrible, but you still tell them, "Oh, yes, no, it looks great." That would be a white lie because it has virtually no consequences or very small consequences. You're only telling this lie to protect the other person's feelings.
• Do you think it’s okay to tell white lies?
I think it would be better to not tell lies at all. I'm a big believer in telling the truth, being honest, but I think that there are some people that cannot handle the truth. In that case, I think it's better, just to keep the peace, to tell maybe a white lie just to make sure that there's not a big reaction on their part. Yes, it would be better if we could live in a world where we don't lie, but telling a white lie every now and then is not a big deal.
My lips are sealed
'My lips are sealed, man.'
• If you say your lips are sealed, does that mean you intend on revealing a secret or not?
No. If you say your lips are sealed, that means that you are not going to tell anybody that secret. Somebody tells you a secret. They tell you not to tell anybody and you reassure them by saying, "Don't worry. My lips are sealed. I'm not going to say a thing."
• Have you ever told someone “My lips are sealed” and then revealed the secret?
I don't think so. I think I'm really good at keeping secrets. I'm a very open person so if you tell me something, I will tell somebody else just because I like talking, but if you tell me, "Laura, please don't say this to anybody." I guarantee you, I tell you, "My lips are sealed. I'm not going to tell anybody," then I won't. I'm very good in that way at keeping secrets. Just make sure you tell me that it's a secret. Otherwise, I'm going to tell somebody.
Lie to someone’s face
'I can’t believe you would lie to my face like that!'
• If you lie to someone’s face, do you lie directly to them or to someone else?
Well, you've probably guessed that if you lie to someone's face, that means that you lie directly to them. You look them in the eye and you lie to them.
• If you lie to someone’s face, do you try to hide the fact that you’re lying?
No. The expression "to lie to someone's face" really implies that you are super confident while lying, to the point where you can just have a conversation with this person. You keep lying to them. You don't show any remorse. You don't show any regret. It looks like you might be telling the truth because you're so confident. Not a lot of people can lie to someone's face because then some people might get anxious or they might start showing that they're lying, but if you are a good liar, you can easily lie to someone's face without any problems at all.
• Have you ever lied to someone’s face?
I am pretty sure that when I was a teenager, I lied to my mom's face a bunch of times. I just went through this phase where I didn't care whether I was lying or telling the truth, I just wanted to do whatever I wanted to do. That meant lying sometimes since my mom was pretty protective. I remember lying to her face all the time, telling her I would go to a place and I'm going to a different place, telling her I wasn't wearing any makeup and then putting on makeup in the elevator before going to school. I guess all teenagers do that, but I gotta say, I think I am a really bad liar. I think people can tell right away that I'm lying. That's probably why I don't lie a lot.
A big fat liar
'You said you were sick! You’re just a big fat liar!'
• Is “big fat liar” an insult you would tell someone who is very bad at lying or someone who lies a lot?
If you tell someone they're a big fat liar, you do that because you think they lie a lot.
• Do you know anybody who’s a big fat liar?
I think that up until a couple of years ago, I would've said, "No, I don't know any big fat liars," but two years ago, things changed. I made friends with one of my coworkers. We were very, very close. She was probably my best friend that year. I really thought this was going to be a very healthy friendship moving forward, but a year went by and I remember that year when we were talking, there were a couple of instances that made me go, "Is this person-- Is she okay?" Because I remember this one time, she mentioned the fact that she had a very close friend and that she had lied to her and it wasn't a white lie or a small lie. No. She had told this person that she had moved to London and that she was living there and apparently, she was trying to keep up with this lie. She was sending postcards or letters as if she was in London. I remember that one time thinking, "Okay, this is not normal." I remember telling her, "Just please don't do this to me. If you don't want to hang out or something, just tell me." I really thought our friendship would be different, but after the school year ended, we met, I think once, and then we were trying to meet one last time because then I was going to leave Spain for a while. We wanted to meet up one last time. I remember just texting with her and her making all these sorts of excuses and it was obvious that they were lies and that for some reason, she didn't want to meet up with me. I know she struggled with social anxiety. It was just something that I totally get. I would have completely understood if she had been like, "Listen, Laura, I really don't feel like meeting up." I would've been totally fine. I would still be friends with her, but because she kept lying to me, I stopped replying to her messages and I never spoke to her again, which is a shame because I loved her, but I cannot be friends with a liar and I hate to admit the fact that I didn't see it sooner.
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