Episode 140 • Crying

Cry on cue
Shed (a few) tears
Sob
Cry uncontrollably
Cry me a river
Story
[Knocking]
Clara: Come in.
Jess: What happened?
Clara: I got a C- on my stupid math test and now my mom won’t let me go to the concert.
Jess: For real?
Clara: Yep, for real.
Jess: But I mean, we’ve been planning this thing for months! It’s not like we get to go see The Rufuses live all the time. Who knows when we’re going to have this opportunity again?
Clara: I don’t know what to tell you, okay? I’ve tried everything.
Jess: You sure? Have you cried in front of her? That usually helps when I want to get something from my mom.
Clara: What? No, I- You know, I never cry.
Jess: No, I’m not talking about crying for real.
Clara: Wait, you can fake it?
Jess: Are you kidding me? I learned to cry on cue when I was 4 and it changed my life. Why do you think my mom lets me buy all these clothes?
Clara: To be honest with you, even if I could do it, I don’t think that shedding a few tears would work with my mom…
Jess: No, I’m not talking about shedding a few tears, I’m talking about actually crying, sobbing and everything. Come on, let’s try it, I can teach you.
Clara: Alright, what should I do?
Jess: Okay, open your mouth really wide, keep it open until you feel like you want to yawn. Okay now, hold it in. See? Your eyes are getting watery!
Clara: You’re right! It’s working!
Jess: Okay, now, you gotta open your mouth and then close it, but not all the way. Like this [mimics sobbing], see?
Clara: Oh my gosh, that looks so real. Okay, I think I got it. Go call my mom!
Jess: Okay, I’ll be right back! Mrs. Gomez, there’s something wrong with Clara, she’s like crying uncontrollably. Could you come real quick?
Mrs. Gomez: Alright, alright, what is happening?
Clara: I just- I really want to go to the concert. If I don’t go tonight then-
Mrs. Gomez: Oh, cry me a river. This is not going to work with me, Miss. You’ll be able to go out once you start bringing home good grades.
Jess: Wow, your mom’s tough.
Clara: I told you! Listen, you’re not going, right?
Jess: Listen, Clara, I’m sorry but I can’t miss it. I feel bad leaving you here but-
Clara: You can’t go without me!
Jess: Hey, you can’t use that with me. I’m the one who taught you that!
Clara: Oh, darn it!