Episode 22 • Family
Raise
Unconventional family
Breadwinner
Stay-at-home dad
Start a family
Story
I was raised in what some would call an unconventional family. My mom was the breadwinner and my dad was a stay-at-home dad. When I tell people, they think it’s totally weird but for me, it’s normal! In fact, when I turned 35 I decided I was ready to start a family. I’ve now been married for 3 years and we have just had our first child. Now, my wife is a lawyer and absolutely loves her job, so, when little Oliver was born, it was easy for me to be like, you know what? I’ll just stay at home with the kid. Sure, there are days when Lucy comes home to a burned dinner or a mess in the living room or a hole in the roof (that’s a long story) but we kinda like it that way!
Questions
All right you guys, we're back and it's time to learn five expressions connected to family.
Raise
'I was raised in what some would call an unconventional family.'
• Who do you raise? A child or an adult?
A child, or an adult. Well, even though sometimes an adult might need a little bit of raising still, normally you talk about raising when talking about a child. You raise up a kid, a child.
• Who normally raises a child?
Well, that depends. Normally it's the parents. Sometimes it's just one of the parents and sometimes maybe it’s the grandparents or an uncle or maybe-- There's all sorts of stories, all sorts of families, so it really depends. It’s the person that takes care of you that raises you.
• By who were you raised?
I was raised by my mom. Actually, I lost my dad when I was very little, so my mom was a single mom for her whole life basically or my whole life I should say. Yes, my mom raised me. I was raised by my mom.
Unconventional family
'I was raised in what some would call an unconventional family.'
• What makes a family unconventional?
First of all, let's describe what a conventional family looks like. I think we would all agree traditionally the family is a mom, a dad who raised a child or more children. Now, an unconventional family is basically anything that doesn't really fit the standard. Things like maybe having two moms or two dads or where your parents are not in a monogamous relationship. There’s all sorts of unconventional, I don't even think I know all the possibilities that are out there for a family to express themselves, so I don't know.
• Were you raised in a conventional or unconventional family?
I think my family can be considered conventional. It’s true that I didn't have a dad around when I grew up. Still, it's pretty standard to have the mom there for you. She had a regular job. I don't know. I think I had a pretty standard childhood. I would consider my family a conventional family.
Breadwinner
'My mom was the breadwinner.'
In this case, that doesn't mean that your mom went to the casino and came home with a bunch of bread because she's the breadwinner. Let’s take a look at what this expression means.
• Does the breadwinner of a family earn money?
Yes. When you’re talking about breadwinner, that means that that person earns the money.
• What is the money normally used for?
Well, the breadwinner in a family uses the money mostly to support the family. It's the person that maybe pays for groceries or for the bills.
• How many breadwinners are normally in the house?
This is tricky because I know that sometimes multiple people work. If you use the expression breadwinner, you give the idea that there's only one person that's in charge of supporting the family.
• Who is the breadwinner in your family now? What about when you were a child?
Right now, because I started this podcast and this takes up pretty much all of my time. I do some other work on the side, but it's not much. Right now the breadwinner in my family is my boyfriend because of how things turned out. I hope that's not going to be that way for a long, hopefully, the podcast goes well, but who knows? When I was a child, I've already told you so, it was my mom obviously. I had an older sister, but when I was little she was still in school. She was still going to college, so she really didn't make a lot of money. My mom was the breadwinner.
Stay-at-home dad
'My dad was a stay-at-home dad.'
• If you are a stay-at-home dad/mom, do you leave home to go to work?
Well, obviously, it's the expression itself that tells you. You stay at home. No, you don't leave your house. It's not like you're a prisoner. It's not like, "Oh, I'm a stay-at-home dad and I have to sit on the couch all day." You can still leave but that means that you just don't go to the office, for example.
• What is the main job of a stay-at-home dad/mom?
Well, your main job is to take care of the kids to just be a parent basically and maybe take care of the house. If you're a stay-at-home dad or a stay-at-home mom.
• Can you have other jobs besides taking care of the kids?
Well, we said that you don't really go to work, so you don't really have a place to work outside of the house but you can, for example, work from home.
• What about in your country? Are there more stay-at-home moms or stay-at-home dads?
Like up until a few years ago, at least in a few countries, thinking of a stay-at-home dad, it was like, "What are you talking about?" I think lately things have changed. I would say still in the countries where I've lived so far in the states in Italy, in Spain. It's mostly stay-at-home moms, but who knows? Maybe things will change in the future.
Start a family
'I decided I was ready to start a family.'
• When do you start a family? When you get married or when you have your first child?
When you get married or when you have your first child. The expression starting a family-- If I say I've started a family, it means that I'm having my first child. You can still talk about family even if you're married and that's it or even if you are in a partnership with someone and you want to consider yourself, your couple as a family. That’s perfectly fine. You can do that, but you don't really say I started a family because it's not connected with having children.
• What’s a good age to start a family in your opinion?
Obviously, your opinion may differ from mine. I personally believe around 25 to 30. It's a good age depending on your level of maturity. I would say around 30.
• Have you started your own family or maybe you would like to start one? If so when are you planning on starting a family, on having your first child?
I haven't started my family yet. I don't really think I'm going to start one. Again, I may change my mind in the future but right now I'm not really thinking about having kids at least for the time being. I don't really know if I'm going to start a family and if I do it's probably going to be maybe six to seven years. Something like that.
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