Episode 99 • Negative Feelings
Give someone a dirty look
If looks could kill...
Josh: Hey, is everything okay with Tracy?
Richard: You know, I don’t know. She’s been acting weird all day… You noticed that too?
Josh: Yeah, I mean. It’s hard not to notice the long face.
Richard: Honestly, I didn’t do anything. We woke up this morning and she was already like this. She’s been moping around the house all day. I asked her a few times if there was something wrong but she kept telling me everything was fine. I don’t understand why she wouldn’t just tell me what’s wrong instead of spending a whole day sulking like that.
Josh: Well, you’d better figure out what you did. She seems pretty mad. I don’t know if you noticed that but earlier, when we were talking about Sam’s birthday party, she gave you this dirty look… I’m telling ya… If looks could kill…
Richard: Wait a second, what was it that we were talking about?
Josh: I think it was Sam’s birthday party. Why?
Richard: I- What day is it today?
Richard: No, I mean what day of the month.
Josh: It’s April 12th… Oh no, don’t tell me you’ve forgotten your girlfriend’s… birthday
Richard: … birthday.
All right, ready for some new expressions?
'It’s hard not to notice the long face.'
• If you have a long face, how are you feeling? Happy and content or sad and disappointed?
If you have a long face, you're feeling sad and disappointed. You don't literally have a longer face, but just, I think, because of your facial expression, you might give that impression, but yes, to have a long face means to be sad and disappointed.
• What could cause you to have a long face?
I don't know, lots of things. Maybe somebody has forgotten your birthday, like in the story, or you just broke up with your partner, or you just had a- I don't know, somebody made a mean comment about you, whatever. Anything that might cause you to be sad, or disappointed.
• When was the last time you had a long face?
I'm not exactly sure. I don't think I have a long face very often. Okay, no wait. I'll take that back. Usually what happens to me is either I'm super happy, or I am crying, and I'm devastated. [chuckles] I don't experience anything in the middle. I guess, I don't know, maybe a couple of days ago, I was in feeling my best and so I had a long face. But nothing major happened, it was just a bad day.
'She’s been moping around the house all day.'
• If you mope around a place, how do you move? In a sad, slow way or in a happy and energetic way?
If you mope around a place, or a house, or a room, you move in a sad and slow way.
• Why would you mope around a place?
Because you're feeling sad. Whenever you're feeling sad, especially if you're pretty sad, you're not going to bounce from one place to another, you're not going to be very fast in your movements, everything feels harder as if you had no energy in you almost.
• When was the last time you moped around your house?
Maybe three weeks ago? Was it two? I don't know, two or three weeks ago, I was alone for four days, because my boyfriend was away and I don't like being alone. I do okay, for a few hours but then if it's anything more than say, a day, I get really sad. I was stuck in the house-- I wasn't stuck in the house but I had to work. I was at home for four days straight by myself, and so, I felt pretty sad, I felt pretty lonely and I was moping around the house all day. I moped around the house all day every day for four days until my boyfriend came back.
'I don’t understand why she wouldn’t just tell me what’s wrong instead of spending a whole day sulking like that. '
• If you sulk, are you acting friendly or angry?
If you sulk, you act angry, or you feel angry, you feel frustrated.
• When sulking, do you want to discuss what bothers you?
No, that's the thing about sulking. When you sulk, you are mostly silent, you don't want to talk about what bothers you and whenever someone talks to you, you answer to them in an angry way. Yes, you're not facing the problem, you're not having an open conversation about what's bothering you. You just keep it in and stay angry, and yes, that's what sulking is. It's not the best behavior but a lot of people do it, a lot of people instead of opening up and telling other people what's wrong, they will just sulk. They will be silent and angry and whenever you talk to me, I will lash out at you and yes, it's not great.
• Do you normally sulk when you get angry?
Oh boy, I used to do this all the time. My mom is the queen of sulking. I learned that from her, and I think it wasn't until I was maybe 20, 21 when I learned that sulking is not good. It doesn't do anybody good. When you're sulking, you're not really solving a problem, you're just making it worse, you're making it bigger in your head. I think it's better to just have an open conversation with someone, telling the other person how you're feeling. It's not always easy, because sometimes you just-, you're so frustrated, you just want the other person to figure it out on their own but people aren't mind readers. Sometimes you have to tell them what bothers you. No, I don't sulk as much, I sometimes still do but I try not to because I know it can be very upsetting for other people and for me as well.
Give someone a dirty look
'... when we were talking about Sam’s birthday party, she gave you this dirty look... '
• If you give someone a dirty look, how do you look at them? Lovingly or with disapproval?
If you give someone a dirty look, it means that you look at them with disapproval. Kind of like, "Oh, I can't believe you," or "Oh, I hate you." It's a very powerful look that you would give them.
• Have you ever given someone someone a dirty look? Why? What had they done?
Yes, back when I was in high school, I almost used that as a weapon against a kid because he used to make fun of me a lot. For some reason, he thought it was funny. I could never tell for sure, I never heard him, but I could see the laughs and I could see the way he was looking at me whenever he was talking with his friends, they were all laughing and looking at me, so I knew something was going on, but I couldn't confront them because they could have just said, "No, that's not true, we're not making fun of you." But I was sure that they were. They were making at least comments about me and probably my body. Anyway, the only thing that I was left with that I could do was giving him a dirty look every now and then. Whenever we were in class and whenever he would look at me, I would give him a dirty look. Yes, and I think that worked. I think he stopped because he knew that I was really really mad.
If looks could kill...
'I’m telling ya… if looks could kill...'
• When is the expression ‘If looks could kill’ used? When someone looks at you angrily or when someone doesn’t look at you at all?
The expression, if looks could kill, is used when someone looks at you angrily, with lots of anger, lots of even hate in their eyes. It's kind of like giving someone a dirty look but it's a lot more powerful because we're talking about you could almost kill with just a look. That's what you're saying. The full expression is, if looks could kill I'd be dead right now, because it's such a powerful, such an intense look that you feel it could almost have the power to kill you.
• Has anybody ever looked at you in a way that made you think ‘If looks could kill’?
I think my mom [laughs]. I remember this one time I-- Okay, to be fair, I had lied to her, I told her I was going, I think, out with some friends but really I was going out with a guy. I think I was maybe 14 at that time so we were supposed to meet, and silly me instead of parting ways with this guy before I had to meet my mom, I was still hanging out with him. I was actually kissing him when I move a little bit, and right behind him I see my mom. I'm telling you, if looks could kill, she was so furious, so, so mad and that lasted a while. I think she didn't speak to me for, I don't know, quite a few days because I- she was really mad.
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